How I Spent This Year

            

Beginning of 2018 was not any good. I was going through a troubled and certain-to-break relationship that began in the previous year and as I had hoped it wouldn’t go for a long time, I had to cut it off in the last days of February. It was a short romantic stint though. Since completing graduation to 2017 I was also a civil services aspirant, I gave several exams but couldn’t clear any except some banks and teaching examination. I opted for teaching and since then I was a full-time teacher.

In the last months of 2017, I realized that I won’t be able to clear UPSC unless I quit this teaching job and give my full time to the preparation, and I couldn’t quit because family couldn’t support financially (actually now family has great expectation from me to support). So, it was another oscillation in which I had to hang for some time. It was necessary for me to take any decision for doing something meaningful. I decided to teach, read and write.

It was my fourth or fifth decision since I became capable to take decisions. At first, in my teenage (as I can remember), I had decided to be an engineer (I was very good then in Maths and Physics), but I couldn’t ; I had also decided once to be a singer ( recorded a few songs and uploaded them on Youtube. I am just in love with Singing) ; when I was studying in Graduation, I developed a fondness for poetry (wrote a lot of poems, two of them get published too), but this also couldn’t do any better, though I had decided to be a Poet also. But then one day father told me writing poetry can’t earn bread for family. I quit writing poems and diverted my mind to do preparation for civil services exams and started teaching in private institutes (I have taught for seven years almost in private sector). Teaching suits me well and fortunately I got a full time permanent job, but still I had the passion to crack civil exams, I participated and failed in three consecutive attempts and it did realize me that I won’t be able to crack the exams being a full time employee and living in homely pleasure. Besides, I was weak in Geography and Economics ( in fact, there was a time I hated both) and I couldn’t concentrate fully at studying being involved in familial responsibilities.

That’s why I decided to do something in which I needn’t to put pressure on myself, something that can’t make me tired of, something that can give inner pleasure and satisfaction- it was reading and writing (not for exams, but for pleasure and learning). I tried to give my best in teaching also from which I earn.

The next day, after making this overwhelming decision, I created my blog. In 2018,I have been able to write 30 blogs ( mainly book reviews, some poems and a short story), I hope to write at least 50 blogs in 2019. I joined Goodreads and wrote more than 140 reviews ( I got three books as a free copy to review- one from Israel too), though I don’t think I would be a professional reviewer. I have read 82 books this year. I have written a story also which is yet to get published.

One day while chatting with a sweet friend, I got the idea of a story. I mused over it for ten days almost, then started to write my first novel. I have written 5 chapters (I couldn’t believe myself that I am writing a novel), more than 60 pages till now. I hope I will complete this year. Only after starting I realized that every work demands serious dedication. This year I will research more and write more.

Though the beginning of 2018 wasn’t very good, I suffered through a break-up, but it was good in some sense. One of my sisters get married and she is happily living, my younger brother got the job ( He is a design engineer in Delhi now), I visited Delhi second time after 20 years- it was an amazing experience, I enjoyed fully and came to know my another talent- Photography. Wait, I am not very good at it. There were some sad things also, father’s blood sugar level increased that enhanced his heart ailments , I visited Lucknow most of the times for his check-up and medicines. Now he’s better. Thank God. At one of my Lucknow visits, I met one of my sweet ex-students, and we had coffee together at Hazratganj. She is preparing for Civil Services- a proud moment for being a teacher. I have spent this year much money on books. I made a digital and a physical library also ( Small in size though).

So, more or less, 2018 was a good year for me. The most important thing that I am observing right now is that I have no regret of anything from the last year. I did what I found appealing to my heart. I made some good friends also.

In 2019, will finish my book with more research and labor, I will teach this year more dedicatedly with clear objectives (especially first and second grade students) and I will not fall in Love ( Well, this is spontaneous, yet I will try to ), and I will write monthly progressing report of my students. I think it’s enough.

I am writing all this just to assuring and applauding myself and to make it a bold reminder for what I have to do in this year. I am a great dreamer, I think, and I always feel heart-broken whenever a dream shatters. I will help myself in this endeavor and I hope God will provide me that needed patience, control and strength.

                                                                           -Ravi Prakash